Sun
22 Aug




My Girlfriend:
(Down on one knee)
“Will you marry me?”

Me:
(After a full minute of hyperventilating like a girl)
“YES!”


I just have to hope she stops singing, “All the women who are independent. Throw your hands up at me,” before the wedding. Either way, I guess I made a good impression on that first date.

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Tue
15 Dec


The following takes place between 11:30pm and 11:35pm on a street in Amsterdam near central station. As I attempted to unlock my bike I was approached by a tourist with a strange smile on his face who seemed to want directions and a bit of a chat. English politeness and the inability to get the lock on my bike open forced me to take at least some part in the bizarre conversation that followed.





Tourist:
(Suddenly approaching with a grin)
“Excuse me can I ask you a question?”

Me:
(Realizing I can’t easily get away as I fiddle with my bike lock)
“Um…ok.”

Tourist:
“How do I get to the red light district from here?”
(Grinning some more)

Me:
“Um… it’s in that direction, past the tourist boats, through the streets until you see lots of red. You can’t miss it.”
(Pointing in the general direction of the Red Light District)

Tourist:
“Thanks… Hey, can I ask you another question?”
(Somehow making his grin even bigger)

Me:
“Er… ok.”
(Starting to wonder where the line of questioning is going to lead)

Tourist:
“Are you British? Scottish? Australian?”

Me:
(Cutting him off before he can list all the English speaking countries he knows)
“Yes… er… I mean British”

Tourist:
“Yeah!”
(Shouting in a cheer and suddenly put’s his hand up for a high five)

Me:
“Um… yeah?”
(Deeply confused but returning his high five and guessing that he is British too or just really likes British people)

Tourist:
“I just split up with my girlfriend so I’m going to… you know…”
(Pointing in the direction previously indicated and smiling)

Me:
“Oh. Ok then. I hope you meet someone nice.”
(Quickly leaving before the conversation gets any stranger)

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Fri
2 Oct


The following takes place between 10:45 and 10:55 at a party during a discussion about West End stage shows in London between my girlfriend and a friend of ours. The original conversation took part in Dutch but has been translated into English (which is ironic given the opening statement). The names of those involved have been changed to protect the innocent.







My girlfriend
“It’s great to see a show in the original English rather than translated into Dutch with stupid Dutch songs.”

Friend
“I agree. I think it was in the 70s that I went on a school trip to see a West End Show in London. It was Jesus Christ Superstar and now that I come to think of it; it must have been the original cast back then.”

My girlfriend
“Oh really? So Jesus was actually in it as well? ”
*Big smirk*

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Wed
12 Mar


The following takes place between the hours of 11pm and 12pm one night of this week while standing in my kitchen after a long day of working late with out a weekend.








Me
(Feeling sleepy)
“Working all this overtime is really messing with my sense of what day of the week it is. I keep on forgetting it’s only Monday.”

Flat Mate
(Pausing to check if I really am that dumb)
“But it’s Tuesday.”

Me
(Pausing and trying to act as if I just said nothing)
“Er… working all this overtime is really messing with my sense of what day of the week it is. I keep on forgetting it’s only Tuesday.”

Flat Mate
(Not convinced)
“Rightttttt.”

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Tue
14 Aug


The following takes place between the hours of 10:56pm and 10:58pm while walking through Amsterdam’s flower market with a friend visiting from England:










Friend
(Commenting on one of the flower stands)
“Wow. That is a lot of onions.”

Pause

Me
(With one eyebrow raised)
“You do realize those are tulip bulbs and not onions… right?”

Friend
(Looking embarrassed)
“Oh…”

Me
(Trying not to laugh)
“You do know we are in the flower market… right?”

Friend
(Looking more embarrassed)
“Yeah.”

I’ve been taking the mickey out of him about it ever since.

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