I was very nervous the first time I met my girlfriend’s parents. In fact, I was so nervous that I forgot to pack certain items before we left the house, one of which was a toothbrush. This became a bit of a problem when I tried to brush my teeth that night. I was forced to ask my new parent’s in-law if there was a spare toothbrush I could borrow for the weekend (which there was). This would not have been such a big deal if I had not made the exact same mistake when we visited again a few weeks later and had to ask the exact same question.
I think this is the reason why a few months later I opened my very first present on my very first real Dutch Sinterklaas pakjesavond to discover my very first tooth brush of the evening. It was a very nice brightly coloured tooth brush with a rubber zebra head on the end.
I say my very first toothbrush of the evening because it was not the last. Later I opened another gift to discover a very pink tooth brush, later still a blue tooth brush, followed by a small toothbrush, a stripy toothbrush, a sparkly toothbrush, then another with a rubber monster head on the end.
I was starting to wonder if Sinterklaas had set up a sponsorship deal with the tooth fairy or if the old man was really that concerned about my dental well being from the alarming amount of pepernoten and chocolate letters I had been consuming.
Eventually I received a gift that was very obviously not a tooth brush. It was far too big to be a dental hygiene implement. I believed this fact so adamantly that I announced it very loudly to the room using words such as, “Thank god,” and “finally” with a smirk. I eagerly tore the paper apart to discover; a toothbrush. A toothbrush concealed with-in an elaborate cardboard construction which had been created to hide the fact that it was a toothbrush. The packaging on this one (the real packaging not the fake “I’m not a toothbrush” packaging) claimed that it lit up and played ‘nighty-nighty music’ while the user (evidently a small child) brushed their teeth.
All these toothbrushes came from my girlfriend’s family along with much roaring laughter. By the end of the night I had received at least one tooth brush from each member of the family (along with other non-tooth related gifts of course) and I had learned several new Dutch words such as; Tanden, Tandenborstel and Tandarts.
I enjoyed my very first Sinterklaas pakjesavond a lot and found the toothbrush surprises very funny. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I plan to enjoy it even more with my revenge which I’ve had an entire year to plot.
Sinterklaas has arrived in Holland again to give out gifts to all the little girls and boys who have been good this year. When talking about Sinterklaas it is very important to understand that he should not be mistaken with Santa Claus (or visa versa). As every Dutch person will inform you they might both be old men with white beards who dress in red and like to give out presents to good children in December but they are nothing alike… not in the slightest.
For example; Sinterklaas lives in the much warmer climate of Spain, arrives in Holland by steam boat during November, has helpers called Zwarte Pieten (Al Jolson look-a-likes), rides a white horse called Amerigo, and on December 5th he leaves presents in the shoes of good children but drags bad children back to Spain in a sack (you can find my more in depth guide here: Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet).
Over the years I have become very familiar with the Sinterklaas tradition. However, there are still a few things I do not quite understand about it. For example:
1) If Sinterklaas spends 11 months of the year in Spain why doesn’t he have more of a tan?
2) Did Sinterklaas set up his toy purchasing and exporting business in Spain because the Peseta to Guilder exchange rate allowed him to save money? If so; how has the switch to the Euro affected him financially (especially in this financial crisis)?
3) Where does he get the money to sustain a workforce of Zwarte Pieten and buy so many toys which he gives away for free? Is Sinterklaas an eccentric billionaire? How long will the money last?
4) If he is bringing pleasure to all the girls and boys by giving them gifts from Spain is his trip considered business or pleasure and does this mean he can or can’t reclaim any expenses incurred during his travels when doing his taxes?
5) Has Sinterklaas ever considered setting up a cultural exchange program with Santa Claus so that he could spend a year working with elves while all the Zwarte Pieten went to the North Pole? Would elves be able to cope with the hot Spanish sun with their extremely pale skin?
6) Who would win in a race; Sinterklaas with his horse Amerigo or Santa Claus with his twelve reindeer?
7) Why is it that the possible undertones of racism in regard to the Zwarte Pieten become a hot topic every year but no one ever complains about the obvious racism towards elves during Christmas? After all, we never see how Father Christmas treats them.
8) What happens to all the naughty children who are taken back to Spain? Are there just random Dutch children walking around the streets of Spain? Is this why Sinterklaas is not as stricked as he used to be in previous years? Did the Spanish government complain and tell him to knock it off?
9) Can Sinterklaas speak Spanish or does he have to get by with hand gestures and talking very loudly? Do the people of Spain find him odd?
These are the questions that keep me awake at night.
(All my Sinterklaas posts can be found in the Sinterklaas category)
As I listen to the sounds of happy children laughing and giggling out side as they excitedly await the arrival of Sinterklaas on the 5th of December I am hiding in my house behind a barricaded door with enough tinned food to last me through the night.
It is said that Sinterklaas carries with him a gold book that lists all the names of the good boys and girls and a black book with the names of all the bad boys and girls. According to tradition bad boys and girls get put in a sack by Sinterklaas’s helper Zwarte Piet and dragged back to Spain while being beaten by twigs. Although Spain is a very nice country I don’t particularly like the sound of the travel arrangements.
I am not taking any chances. If Sinterklaas uses a zero tolerance approach to writing his naughty or nice list I am in a lot of trouble. This year I have:
– Browsed the internet during office hours on several occasions
- Crossed the road when the light was red
- Looked suspicious as a jogger (Link)
- Forgot to renew my train pass for two days (Link)
- Tried space cake (Link)
- Been late to work a few times (Link)
- Sneezed with out covering my mouth at least once
This is why I am currently barricaded in my house like the survivor of a zombie holocaust, hoping that I am not about to be dragged off to Spain by a group of midget Al Jolson wannabes.
In keeping with Dutch tradition I have written my own Sinterklaas poem describing my current situation (these are traditionally attached to the wrapping around a present):
I can hear kids in the street.
They are excited about a treat.
I don’t know if I’ve been good or bad.
I hope Sinterklaas is not very mad.
With a Twig I don’t want to be beat.
That’s why I’m hiding from Zwarte Piet.
This Saturday Sinterklass and his Zwarte Pieten helpers arrived in Holland to prepare for December 5th when they give out presents to all the good boys and girls and drag the bad ones back to Spain in a sack while beating them with twigs.
Since I was in town when Sinterklass arrived I had the opportunity to take a few photos. I found the perfect snapshot taking location. Since they were going to be arriving by boat I was standing on the rivers edge at the entrance to town where it was less busy. The boat would have to pass right by me in order to reach its destination and the thousands of hyper children that awaited it.
A short while after I arrived I saw the boat approaching in the distance. I started to take photos as it sailed closer and closer while the Zwarte Pieten danced about in what almost looked like a strange re-enactment of a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
As the boat sailed past me I continued to snap away. Then, I suddenly saw him, the bearded white one, the pope hat wearing one, the one who should never be called Santa Claus unless you want to invoke the rage of the Dutch people, none other then Sinterklass himself. He was standing on the deck of his ship and he was actually waving to me.
This was great for two reasons. Number one, he was waving and not pointing at me while screaming to the Zwarte Pieten, “Get him boys! He’s been naughty this year!” Number two, I was about to get a great Sinterklass photo for this blog.
I quickly took up my camera and zoomed right in. It was going to be the kind of detailed photograph that would allow me to see what he had for breakfast by identifying the crumbs in his beard. I was just a fraction of a second away from pushing that button and capturing Sinterklass’s image in the photographic medium when disaster struck. The batteries in my camera suddenly died!
I started cursing, using the kind of language that might have had the Zwarte Pieten chasing after me with twigs if they had not been just out of hearing range. I was about to go home, beaten, crushed and a failure but then I was gripped by determination. I was not going to give up that easily. I would be victorious. There was still time to get that mug shot.
I searched for the nearest place I could find that sold batteries and restored my photographic equipment to fully working order.
I sprinted back to the river as fast as I could. I knew I could cut Sinterklass off by taking one of the other alleyways that would bring me out farther down the river. As I reached the end of the alleyway I could hear the excited cheers of children. I had made it and was about to see Sinterklass’s boat again. However, I only saw the back end of Sinterklass’s boat as it disappeared behind some buildings.
I was too late and even worse; the bridge I needed to cross to get ahead of the boat again was up so the boat could pass through. I was cut off from the main land but I still had another chance.
I knew of an alley way farther down that gave a view out onto the river. I dodged and dived my way through the crowd to my secret photo snapping location. This time I arrived just before the boat. There was nothing that would stop me getting that photo this time. At least that would have been the case if someone had not blocked off the end of the alleyway with wooden boards. Since I did not have an axe with me I had to watch as the masts of the boat passed by.
I had come so far. It would have been insanity to give up at this point. I knew I had one last chance, the boats final destination, the dock where Sinterklass was going to disembark. Once again I rushed through the streets and alleyways that would bring me farther along the river.
When I arrived I realized that I was still cut off from a good view point. This time by a large group of Pepernoot hungry children and their parents. It was only my English sense of politeness that stopped me from pushing a few children into the river so I could claim my prize.
My chance to get a photo of Sinterklass on his boat was lost. However, I could still get a mug shot of him during the parade around town. The crowd was too big to get through so I had to go around it. After some more running through streets and hidden alleyways I finally found a good spot over looking the parades route, just behind a group of children whose heads I could easily see over on account of me being a grown up and all. Finally victory would be mine. Nothing would make me give up my spot so I waited.
And waited…
And waited some more…
Then suddenly, out of no where the man himself was standing in front of me. He was so close that I could almost reach out and touch him. He had his back to me but my heart leaped with joy and I felt butter flies in my stomach as I turned my camera on.
Then I realized it was a child dressed as Sinterklass, sitting on his mother’s shoulders. I felt kind of stupid.
Finally the parade started and I began to snap photos. First to pass by were Peter Pan, Wendy and Captain Hook. I don’t think the Captain Hook costume was very authentic, not because it was actually a girl in costume but because she was clearly in possession of both her own hands. That did not really show much dedication to playing the part really.
Then I spotted him, the great white beardy one, riding his horse. He was just behind Harry Potter.
Maybe Harry Potter was acting as his magical body guard or the students of Hogwarts had be rounded up for performing naughty magic and were being paraded around town as an example to other children before being dragged off to Spain in a sack by Zwarte Piet.
As Sinterklass got closer I started to snap photo after photo. I was not able to get the quality photo that I had had the chance to get earlier but I still considered myself the winner. I allowed myself a small victory cheer which made several children look at me in confusion but I did not care. I finally had the photo I had been working so hard to get.
I now realize that if Sinterklass had seen me at every location where I tried to sneak a photo of him he might have become worried and thought I was some kind of strange obsessive stalker who never got over the fact that Sinterklass did not give him the fire truck toy he wanted as a child. I guess I will know if there is a restraining order in my clog on the 5th of December.
Imagine that you have been living in Holland for half a year. You are still unfamiliar with most of the countries customs and quarks. You are walking down the local high street one chilly but pleasant afternoon in late November. It is an ordinary day like any other. Suddenly you hear some kind of commotion up ahead. Imagine your surprise when you suddenly see coming into view a parade of men and women dressed in what looks like Renaissance jester out fits. You would find it a little strange wouldn’t you. However, my description does not end their. Visualize that they are all white but have covered their faces in black shoe polish, painted their lips bright red and donned large fake afros upon their heads. If you do not find that extremely strange then you might be perplexed by the group of children cheering and singing as they pass.
If you can imagine this scene then you might understand my introduction to the Dutch custom of Sinterklaas. This is exactly how I experienced it for the first time. I did not know it but I had just witnessed a parade of Zwarte Pieten (Black Piets). At first I thought I had found myself in the middle of an Al Jolson appreciation ceremony or something much more sinister.
The Zwarte Pieten are the helpers of Sinterklaas who arrived in Holland again this weekend and should not be mistaken for Santa Claus. As every Dutch person will inform you they might both be old men with white beards who dress in red and give out presents to good children but they are nothing alike.
To avoid confusion I have put together a quick reference of the key differences:
1) Santa Claus delivers presents on December 24th but Sinterklass arrives in Holland during November, does some sight seeing, delivers presents on the 5th of December and returns home in time to enjoy a quiet Christmas.
2) Santa Claus rides on a sledge pulled by 12 over worked reindeer but Sinterklaas rides a white horse and saves money on animal feed.
3) Santa Claus comes from the North Pole but Sinterklaas comes from Spain (by boat) and saves money on his yearly heating bill.
4) Santa Claus puts presents for children under a Christmas tree but Sinterklaas puts presents in children’s shoes regardless if they are smelly.
5) Santa Claus gives a lump of coal to children who have been naughty so that they might learn from their mistakes. Sinterklass on the other hand has a zero tolerance policy and orders Zwarte Pieten to throw naughty children into a sack and drags them back to Spain while beating them with twigs.
6) Santa Claus has an elf equal opportunities program which has helped keep the fairytale creature unemployment rate down. However, Sinterklaas employs a 1920s racist stereotype which most other countries have not dared to mention since the 50s apart from in movies about racism (but it’s not intended to be offensive).
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