If anyone ever told you that they started their weekend by going down to Amsterdam’s red light district you might get a very strange impression of how they spend their Friday nights. There is a natural association that comes with a statement like that. So if I told you that last Friday night I was walking through the famous sex industry area myself with a case of beer under one arm you might think this is about to turn into the kind of bizarre story you don’t want your children to read. However you would be wrong.
I was in fact on my way to a normal house warming party that just happened to be in the red light district. One of my friends had recently moved to an apartment that over looked the area and had decided to throw a large party.
The location was an interesting conversation point and the apartment’s large floor to ceiling windows gave great amusement as party members took it in turns to strike sexy poses in view of passers by on the street below. Those who noticed gave us strange looks that were either puzzlement due to the weird sight that greeted them or a curiosity about how much we cost per hour.
The house was also just across the road from one of the red light districts famous live sex shows where tourists can watch two people on stage getting very friendly with each other. Any awkward silence at the party was suddenly interrupted by a loud announcement of, “live shagging,” as the doorman outside tried to tempt another group of passing English tourists inside. Anyone who did not realize the voice was coming from the open window might have received the wrong impression of the party and got worried or started searching rooms excitedly when they heard the voice suddenly announce, “girl on girl action.”
It was a fun party but as the night went on the worst thing that can happen at a party eventually transpired. The alcohol supply started to run low. People were visibly worried (and drunk). The party was in danger of coming to a slow dieing end. Drastic action had to be taken so a friend and I took it upon ourselves to bravely stumble into the outside world and search the red light district for more alcohol based supplies. It was not an easy task but eventually after much hunting we found a place that would sell us what we required. We returned to the party victorious and triumphant. Everyone was happy. Everyone was inebriated. We had saved the party. We were heroes.
At least we were for the short moment it took everyone else to realize what we had not. We had just bought non-alcoholic beer.
I’ve already written about one of Hollands well know vices, the drug culture. There is of course another vice which the country is very well known for. Something that brings a particular kind of tourist to certain shady areas of the country to indulge themselves in special ways. Yes, you’ve guessed it. I’m going to talk about windmills.
Alright. I’m not really going to talk about windmills. I’m going to talk about the sex industry in Holland. Holland has a very open view towards sex and prostitution is legal and regulated in most cases. If you want to see just how open the dutch view towards sex is (or you are on a stag night) you will find no better example then the Red Light District in Amsterdam. It is a network of alleyways containing hundreds of tiny one-room apartments where prostitutes wearing just underwear or bikinis offer their services from behind glass doors. Its also a place where you can find live sex shows, peep shows, sex museums and shops that sell the kind of toys you wont find in London’s Hamleys. Amsterdam has the most well known Red Light District but a lot of towns have there own versions as well. Its also not unusual to pass a sex shop in the main street of some towns.
If you come from a more reserved country the red light district is the kind of place you have to see to believe. In someways it is a tourist sight seeing attraction and that is why a lot of tourist go there for a game of Eye-Spy-Ho. Even my parents want to have a look around when ever they visit (at least that’s what my dad tells my mum). I’ve seen other families walking around there too to see if all the stories they have heard are true. However it is still a sex industry area and has its seedy side. You will often see men lined up out side prostitutes doors waiting for their turn and illegal stuff does still happen.
I had a look around a few days after I first arrived in the country (and I’ve only ever looked). It was a time when I still looked very much like an out of place tourist so as I walked down one of the alleyways all I heard behind me was doors opening and calls of…
“Hello English boy. “
“Over here Ginger boy. “
“Hi red head. “
… I just kept on walking.
When my friends come to visit from England they also want to do a bit of window shopping (even the girls) because like everyone else they can not believe it until they see it with their own two eyes. This is how I ended up going to see one of the live sex shows. This might sound very seedy and in someways it was but in others it was quite an eye opener. I don’t mean that I finally found out the true story of where babies come from that night. I mean I was surprised to find out the place was more high tec then some normal theaters I have worked for in the past. They even had a revolving stage and a lighting set up which would make most bands envious. Not all the clientele were brown rain coat wearing men either. Again there were a lot of tourists and couples who just wanted to see the show for the novelty/curiosity factor.
As for the performance itself? Yes, there really where two people on stage having sex and sometimes just a woman alone with more of those toys that are not stocked by Hamleys. Some of the performers looked very bored as if they were following a script which they had done a thousand times before (which is probably just what it is like for them).
Part of the show was interactive as well. There was the woman who fed a banana to a member of the audience but she was not holding it with her hands or even her feet. There was a scary moment when she almost picked me and a friend out of the audience but we sank very low into our seats at that point.
If you are ever in Amsterdam the Red Light District is one of those places you have to see just so you can say you have seen it. However, don’t take any photos unless you want a very angry prostitute trying to take your camera away (cameras are banned in the area).
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