Invading Holland will be taking a short two week break while I travel around England and Holland visiting friends and family. I wish you all a very merry Christmas and I will return in the New Year.
In the mean time you might wish to check out one of my short fictional stories I did for Christmas back in 2007:The Ebenezer Scrooge Timeline
Happy Halloween from Invading Holland, in association with Bikes for Zombies
The ghost of Christmas past could not have foreseen the consequences of their actions because her realm is the past and as such she has no forward planning ability. If you were to ask her what she planned to do during her next weekend she would not be able to tell you. She would not even be able to understand the concept. She would, however, be able to give you a very accurate detailed description of what she had done last weekend.
The ghost of Christmas present was not to blame either as he is even more impaired then his backward looking co-worker. His mind is only filled with the here and now. He would not be able to give you a description of his future weekend plans or even what he did during his last weekend. However, he is very good at describing what he is doing as he does it. This is also the reason why he does not get invited to any more parties. His running commentary on what is happening as it happens makes for very boring conversation.
Only the ghost of Christmas future could be held responsible for what transpired as he is the only one with the ability to see all possible futures. However, he is a jerk and he thought it would be funny. He has been reprimanded several times for similar disregards of the official guidelines in the past. It was soon realized that any punishment issued to him for these actions was ultimately useless since he is unable to remember the past and can only think of the future.
Most people are the results of their past actions and choices. The ghost of Christmas future however is the result of his future actions and choices. Sadly no one realized soon enough that one of his future actions was to destroy the world but that is another story.
The three of them had been put together with the hope that collectively they would be able to do the job of one ghost. This turned out to be a disaster but a legal loop hole in the equal opportunities guidelines made it impossible to fire them.
None of this mattered however, not after they had so royally messed up history by interfering in the life of one Ebenezer Scrooge.
In the original pages of history as documented by man Ebenezer Scrooge was described as a penny pinching miser until the day he died alone and unloved. Although his impact on the lives of those around him was felt heavily his influence on the bigger picture of history was unnoticeable. With in a few decades of his death any ripples in history he might have created faded away into obscurity. In the original history he died and left no family, no friends, no one to remember him apart from the ones he made suffer. No one suffered more then Bob Cratchit who was unable to afford treatment for his son Tiny Tim on the poor wage that the uncaring Scrooge paid him. A few years after Ebenezer Scrooge’s death Tiny Tim also died.
These were the sad events that history was supposed to record but then the ghosts of Christmas interfered one night in 1843 and changed everything forever.
Ebenezer Scrooge became a good man, a caring man, a kind man. He was able to find love again and became a dedicated husband and father. He made Bob Cratchit a full partner in his business and insured that Tiny Tim received the best treatment and did not die. Everything was good. Everyone was happy.
But then everything started to go wrong and the changes to history became more and more apparent with Ebenezer Scrooge’s descendants. It was up to the ghosts of Christmas to correct their mistake.
- On December 18th 1856 the serial killer known only as Tiny Tim claims his twelfth victim. He is never caught by the police and he becomes more infamous then Jack the Ripper. The only clue he ever leaves is a badly scribbled note next to each body which reads, “Gowd blass us every1.”
- On December 29th 1896 David Scrooge accidentally succeeds where Guy Fawkes failed by blowing up the Houses of Parliament when he is startled by a mouse and drops his lamp in the Prime Minister secret rum stash hidden in the basement. This also courses the second great fire of London.
- On December 6th 1943 Timmy Scrooge falls asleep at his post after a night of drinking bootleg booze made from anti-freeze, cough syrup and his wife’s hair dye. As a result a small group of German spies are able to sneak into the country and hide in the British country side for several months where they pose as Yorkshire farmers near an army base. They send British army intelligence secrets back to their father land and World War II lasts three years longer.
- On December 12th 1952 Scrooge Records buys Sun Records. After a four hour argument in a broken elevator about which dinner sells the best burgers James Scrooge fires Sam Phillips, the man who originally discovered Elvis. As a result The King is never given a record deal and spends the rest of his life working (ironically) as a burger chef in a dinner.
- On December 2nd 1997 it is discovered that Eric Scrooge, Prime Minister of Great Britain, is completely barking mad. Sadly, the damage is already done by the time the public realize this. His last act as Prime Minister is to declare himself Candy King and rename London as Gum Drop Fun Town.
- On December 30th 2009 Sam Scrooge accidentally starts World War III at a peace talk when he mistakenly translates the phrase, “I agree to the peace terms,” as, “Shove it where the sun don’t shine you commie [expletive deleted].”
The ghosts of Christmas had a lot of work cut out for them.
Invading Holland will be taking a short break while I am back in London for Christmas. I will return in the second week of January. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. See you again very soon.
October 1984:
One day at school, when the teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we all grew up, most of the other boys in my class reply that they wanted to be a brave policeman or a daring fireman. All the girls answered that they dreamed of becoming a graceful ballerina or a beautiful princes.
I, on the other hand, had a very different reply. I did not want to spend my adult life catching naughty people or rescuing cats from trees. I had no desire to dance on tippy toes in a tutu or rule over a fairytale land in a pretty dress either, which was a big relief for my parents. I had other ideas about my future career choice. A few months earlier I had seen what would become my favourite movie of all time and it had shown me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a Ghostbuster.
I was crushed when my teachers told me I would not be able to become a Ghostbuster.
October 2007:
However, this Halloween I finally proved my teachers wrong and for filled my childhood dream. I became a Ghostbuster.
I had made the costume suggestion to my friends Amanda and Dave just a few days before the big Halloween party at Boom Chicago in Amsterdam. Between the three of us we managed to make the costumes and props in just three days. On the night of the party both Dave and myself stepped out on to the streets of Amsterdam with our proton packs and particle throwers, ready to do some serious paranormal investigation and elimination.
The reaction to our costumes was insane. Strangers were cheering where ever we went. Random people were stopping us in the street and asking to have there photo taken with us. Passers-by were singing the theme song. Drivers were honking their horns and one or two girls pinched my ass.
We were even getting more attention then Amada who was dressed in a bikini (while being eaten by a shark). As the night went on I started to feel strangely like a celebrity and wondered if I could get away with wearing the costume all year long. However, I soon realized that my boss might not appreciate it when I throw a child like temper tantrum because I am not allowed to wear it in a business meeting.
We had a great time at the party and met; Dr Evil, Optimus Prime, a smurf, a human glitter ball, Ming the Merciless, Chucky, Dr Strangelove and many other crazy characters, a few of which we had to bust. It was nothing personal, it was just business. Since the clocks went back on the night of the party we also got an extra hour of drunken dancing in before we had to go home.
A few nights later at the Paradiso Halloween party we won possibly the most random prize ever given in the history of costume prize giving. I am now the owner of four Dutch Country and Western records. Maybe I’ll listen to them while I’m out busting ghosts and giant walking marshmallows next year.
Who ya gonna call?
(Click here for last years Halloween Story)
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