Haha! FAIL! :P I remember looking at questions in the real test a few months ago, and I know that I would fail miserably if I had to take the integration test. And I AM Dutch! How stupid is that, even Dutch people themselves fail the test. Anyway, these questions should be included.
Once a colleague of mine who just just arrived in the NL collided with his bike against a bunch of Zwarte Pieten. He didn’t know what to think when he saw a group of them; instead of breaking he just accelerated with his bike towards them. Since then he cannot tolerate seeing any of them, he developed a kind of aversion.
Our Dutch friends have a sort of running checklist for things that mean we are integrating: we’ve played sjoelen, we have a Senseo, we’ve learned various naughty versions of proper Dutch songs …
I’m also quite fluent when it comes to ordering beer, and a local bar owner here even has a copy of our keys in case we get locked out. How much more integrated do I need to be? ;)
I am still laughing because about a week ago I was telling a friend about the Scheveningen thing :-D
I haven’t moved the contents of my flat with a bakfiets yet… but I have bought some things at Marktplaats. Does it count??? :-)
Lol! Hilarious!! M&M stamppot? That’s somthing I might even be willing to try!
I took the sample test a couple of weeks ago together with my husband and a friend of his, both Dutch, and -I- got a higher score :P
I have to admit that many of the questions were badly formulated… so why don’t you give it a try and send this questionnaire to the IND? :o) They might pay you with a Dutch bike and then you could stop having to shout out “Scheveningen!” all the time :o)
If you’ve never had your bike stolen properly then you’re definitely not integrated Stu…mind you I’ve had 7 stolen and my integration is still in question. I can’t say Scheveningen properly yet either, so I avoid policemen and tall, serious looking men with thier hands in their pockets….lol.
Really good answers by the way. I’d love it if you really got a test like that. Could be so much fun!
That was really funny..had me rolling on the floor. Nice answers. I guess you are not integrated into the Dutch society unless you can do ice skating and change the tulips in your vase everyday !!
1. Wezz6400
2. Yes, vloeiend
3. No.
4. More like falling with a bit of standing up in between. I blame global warming.
5. Yes, but it’s broken. I need a new one but I’m too lazy. Can’t blame it on the weather anymore unfortunatly.
6. No, I’m too smart not to have a proper lock. :P
7. Yes, as a child I decorated it to celebrate Queen’s Day. Once it rained which created a big orange mess out of the paper.
8. Yes, so often nowadays I don’t like them anymore. I guess that makes me the typical whiny Dutchman.
9. Always, I love to make fun of people, especially Belgians and Germans.
10. No, too cheap to pay for sex. ;-)
11. All throughout my child years. Nowadays I don’t really celebrate, but I don’t hate it either. Unlike christmas.
12. Yes ofcourse, just like all Dutch children I was scared of them. Nowadays I envy them for having the privilege of legal child abduction and molestation. ;-)
Anneke – so many of my Dutch friends have also said they would fail. I think you all have to face facts. You all just have to leave the country and give it over to us exapts :p
Lopa – Careful that you don’t neglect it for too long. they might come looking for it :p
Anita – He must be having Piet flashbacks.
Alison – I have a sjoelbak and I know several rude Dutch words but sadly I don’t drink coffee.
kiki – Maybe we will be doing that soon :) Will you help out again? :p
Super Pi – Was it a bakfiets? Then maybe yes.
Aledys Ver – Would they be able to give me something so I don’t have to shout it out in supermarkets?
VallyP – Ohhhh ok then. I’ll try to get my bike stolen just for you.
Orangesplaash – I have to own a vase first.
Wezz6400 – Hehe. I like number 7.
gvg – Did you have to deport 50% of your department then?
Scheveningen is easy to pronounce – after ‘mechelsesteenweg’ and all the other long-winded names of roads here, it’s a piece of cake.
Is stamppot like stoempf? (Mash with veg in.)
I got 9 right – and I have Belgian nationality (although am originally a Brit) and yes, I have made several jokes at the expense of Belgians. It was the best way to wind my Ex up ;)
Name:
Gerard “Gez” Danks. See? My first name is a common Dutch name. Even if i was born in the UK. But at least moving over here I can get memorabilia with my name on it, like mugs, towels, keyrings and loo paper!
Are you able to communicate in Dutch?
Yes. Can order bier, bittergarnituur, and know how much I should be paying too.
[...] Scheveningen [...]?
Yes, and just about. Hopefully good enough to not be shot.
Dutch flag?
Nope. Nor do we have a place to fly it from if we did either.
Skated on ice?
Yes. Once in the UK on a rink, twice here – Once on a rink, and recently on “semi-natural” ice.
Bicycle?
Yes. A Sparta.
Bike Stolen?
Only my old BSA racing bike, in the UK.
Decorated bike?
No. but it does have two HUGE panniers on. Large enough to carry my Warhammer 40k model cases in.
Eaten stamppot?
Yes. My g/f introduced me to it on my first visit. I even made it back in the UK.
Belgian jokes?
Who needs to make jokes about Belgians? Their roads are a joke, and that’s enough!
Visited RLD?
Twice. Once with g/f showing me around (1st visit), and once with us showing parents around (their 1st visit).
Celebrated Queen’s Day?
Yes. And parents should be visiting for this year’s.
Zwarte Pieten?
Yes. I know what they are. And not being (or planning to be) a parent, the more screaming brats they bag + tag and drag back to Spain, the better :)
I think you should add “Do you know who Charlie is?” as it seems whenever i am in Amsterdam random people seem to what to ask me his whereabouts, why they would think i would know I don’t know as I obviously don’t look like a local. And yes i know what they are asking :) but still…
Gez – Hhhmmm. I think you really have to have your bike stolen in the Netherlands for it to count but I guess you pass. You did better than me either way.
Breigh Says:
I’m SO down for the M&M stampot!
January 25, 2010 @ 10:19 am
Anneke Says:
Haha! FAIL! :P I remember looking at questions in the real test a few months ago, and I know that I would fail miserably if I had to take the integration test. And I AM Dutch! How stupid is that, even Dutch people themselves fail the test. Anyway, these questions should be included.
January 25, 2010 @ 10:29 am
Lopa Says:
hehehe, you definitely failed… hehe
ok not failed but 50-50 chance as i liked you ans on Scheveningen ;)
I got the questionnaire from gommente but i have been neglecting it so far, it being completely in Dutch. Lets see how long that can go on ! :)
January 25, 2010 @ 1:25 pm
Anita Says:
Once a colleague of mine who just just arrived in the NL collided with his bike against a bunch of Zwarte Pieten. He didn’t know what to think when he saw a group of them; instead of breaking he just accelerated with his bike towards them. Since then he cannot tolerate seeing any of them, he developed a kind of aversion.
January 25, 2010 @ 2:34 pm
Alison Says:
Our Dutch friends have a sort of running checklist for things that mean we are integrating: we’ve played sjoelen, we have a Senseo, we’ve learned various naughty versions of proper Dutch songs …
I’m also quite fluent when it comes to ordering beer, and a local bar owner here even has a copy of our keys in case we get locked out. How much more integrated do I need to be? ;)
January 25, 2010 @ 2:35 pm
kiki Says:
You’ll be Dutch when you’ve moved the contents of your flat with a bakfiets. Scheveningen!!!!
January 25, 2010 @ 2:41 pm
Super Pi Says:
I am still laughing because about a week ago I was telling a friend about the Scheveningen thing :-D
I haven’t moved the contents of my flat with a bakfiets yet… but I have bought some things at Marktplaats. Does it count??? :-)
January 25, 2010 @ 4:31 pm
Aledys Ver Says:
Lol! Hilarious!! M&M stamppot? That’s somthing I might even be willing to try!
I took the sample test a couple of weeks ago together with my husband and a friend of his, both Dutch, and -I- got a higher score :P
I have to admit that many of the questions were badly formulated… so why don’t you give it a try and send this questionnaire to the IND? :o) They might pay you with a Dutch bike and then you could stop having to shout out “Scheveningen!” all the time :o)
January 25, 2010 @ 5:10 pm
VallyP Says:
If you’ve never had your bike stolen properly then you’re definitely not integrated Stu…mind you I’ve had 7 stolen and my integration is still in question. I can’t say Scheveningen properly yet either, so I avoid policemen and tall, serious looking men with thier hands in their pockets….lol.
Really good answers by the way. I’d love it if you really got a test like that. Could be so much fun!
January 25, 2010 @ 5:50 pm
Orangesplaash Says:
That was really funny..had me rolling on the floor. Nice answers. I guess you are not integrated into the Dutch society unless you can do ice skating and change the tulips in your vase everyday !!
January 25, 2010 @ 6:26 pm
Wezz6400 Says:
1. Wezz6400
2. Yes, vloeiend
3. No.
4. More like falling with a bit of standing up in between. I blame global warming.
5. Yes, but it’s broken. I need a new one but I’m too lazy. Can’t blame it on the weather anymore unfortunatly.
6. No, I’m too smart not to have a proper lock. :P
7. Yes, as a child I decorated it to celebrate Queen’s Day. Once it rained which created a big orange mess out of the paper.
8. Yes, so often nowadays I don’t like them anymore. I guess that makes me the typical whiny Dutchman.
9. Always, I love to make fun of people, especially Belgians and Germans.
10. No, too cheap to pay for sex. ;-)
11. All throughout my child years. Nowadays I don’t really celebrate, but I don’t hate it either. Unlike christmas.
12. Yes ofcourse, just like all Dutch children I was scared of them. Nowadays I envy them for having the privilege of legal child abduction and molestation. ;-)
January 25, 2010 @ 8:59 pm
gvg Says:
I know what Zwarte Pieten are, and I know what Zwartepieten is.
But then, I’m Dutch.
Had my whole department do the Inburgeringstoets one day. About 50% failed.
http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zwartepiet
January 25, 2010 @ 9:02 pm
Invader Stu Says:
Breigh – Chocolate, peanut or crunchy?
Anneke – so many of my Dutch friends have also said they would fail. I think you all have to face facts. You all just have to leave the country and give it over to us exapts :p
Lopa – Careful that you don’t neglect it for too long. they might come looking for it :p
Anita – He must be having Piet flashbacks.
Alison – I have a sjoelbak and I know several rude Dutch words but sadly I don’t drink coffee.
kiki – Maybe we will be doing that soon :) Will you help out again? :p
Super Pi – Was it a bakfiets? Then maybe yes.
Aledys Ver – Would they be able to give me something so I don’t have to shout it out in supermarkets?
VallyP – Ohhhh ok then. I’ll try to get my bike stolen just for you.
Orangesplaash – I have to own a vase first.
Wezz6400 – Hehe. I like number 7.
gvg – Did you have to deport 50% of your department then?
January 25, 2010 @ 10:56 pm
zed Says:
Scheveningen is easy to pronounce – after ‘mechelsesteenweg’ and all the other long-winded names of roads here, it’s a piece of cake.
Is stamppot like stoempf? (Mash with veg in.)
I got 9 right – and I have Belgian nationality (although am originally a Brit) and yes, I have made several jokes at the expense of Belgians. It was the best way to wind my Ex up ;)
January 26, 2010 @ 8:22 am
Invader Stu Says:
Yep. It looks like stamppot and stoempf are one and the same. And I think you get extra points since you are using Belgian jokes to wind up your ex.
January 26, 2010 @ 12:03 pm
Dragonlady Says:
We have a test in Britain for those who want to become British citizens.You know what, all the British would fail.
January 26, 2010 @ 1:31 pm
gvg Says:
@Stu. Nope. We let them do the test on our way home from Belgium and had them actually get out of the bus at the border.
January 26, 2010 @ 10:07 pm
Invader Stu Says:
Dragonlady – I’m not surprised
gvg – Efficient
January 27, 2010 @ 9:45 am
my little expat kitchen Says:
This is hilarious!
Magda
January 27, 2010 @ 11:46 am
Gez Says:
OK, lets see how I do then…
Name:
Gerard “Gez” Danks. See? My first name is a common Dutch name. Even if i was born in the UK. But at least moving over here I can get memorabilia with my name on it, like mugs, towels, keyrings and loo paper!
Are you able to communicate in Dutch?
Yes. Can order bier, bittergarnituur, and know how much I should be paying too.
[...] Scheveningen [...]?
Yes, and just about. Hopefully good enough to not be shot.
Dutch flag?
Nope. Nor do we have a place to fly it from if we did either.
Skated on ice?
Yes. Once in the UK on a rink, twice here – Once on a rink, and recently on “semi-natural” ice.
Bicycle?
Yes. A Sparta.
Bike Stolen?
Only my old BSA racing bike, in the UK.
Decorated bike?
No. but it does have two HUGE panniers on. Large enough to carry my Warhammer 40k model cases in.
Eaten stamppot?
Yes. My g/f introduced me to it on my first visit. I even made it back in the UK.
Belgian jokes?
Who needs to make jokes about Belgians? Their roads are a joke, and that’s enough!
Visited RLD?
Twice. Once with g/f showing me around (1st visit), and once with us showing parents around (their 1st visit).
Celebrated Queen’s Day?
Yes. And parents should be visiting for this year’s.
Zwarte Pieten?
Yes. I know what they are. And not being (or planning to be) a parent, the more screaming brats they bag + tag and drag back to Spain, the better :)
Did I pass?
January 27, 2010 @ 12:29 pm
Zen Says:
I think you should add “Do you know who Charlie is?” as it seems whenever i am in Amsterdam random people seem to what to ask me his whereabouts, why they would think i would know I don’t know as I obviously don’t look like a local. And yes i know what they are asking :) but still…
January 27, 2010 @ 5:42 pm
Invader Stu Says:
my little expat kitchen – Thank you
Gez – Hhhmmm. I think you really have to have your bike stolen in the Netherlands for it to count but I guess you pass. You did better than me either way.
Zen – You’re so right. I get asked all the time too. I tried to find out who he was a while back: http://www.invader-stu.com/holland/?p=321
January 28, 2010 @ 9:53 am
A Touch of Dutch Says:
Great post! You had me laughing all the way through :-)
January 28, 2010 @ 3:55 pm
Tess Says:
M&M stamppot… *LOL* That is like ‘Snickers in the hole’:p
January 28, 2010 @ 8:13 pm
Invader Stu Says:
A Touch of Dutch – Thanks :)
Tess – Is ‘Snickers in the hole’ real?
January 28, 2010 @ 11:41 pm
Tess Says:
*LOL* I can cook you some if you like? ;o)
January 29, 2010 @ 1:16 am
Invader Stu Says:
Should I be scared… because I feel scared
January 29, 2010 @ 10:08 am
Manictastic Says:
Belgium is not to be mocked. Or we will, and I repeat, we will send all of you without beer and chocolate and waffles to bed. :P
January 30, 2010 @ 3:58 pm
Invader Stu Says:
Manictastic – But, but, I didn’t. I was making fun of the Irish. Oh wiat… they could take away the Guinness. Dam!!!!!
February 1, 2010 @ 10:00 am